The Real Warriors of LA
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: What do you get when you mix in a video game with American reality TV shows? This trashy shit.
1. Chapter 1

***up-beat music following words sliding to form the title card***

 **theREALWARRIORS of LA**

* * *

Zhen Ji

Secretly reads actually good books 

**She is facing the camera and talks in a stereotypical Californian valley girl accent,** **"I wanted to go hang out with my girlfriends at the mall for the weekend. But what I didn't want to do was having to deal with this."**

* * *

 **Zhen Ji is laughing while walking with Wang Yi and Cai Wenji inside of a really bright mall that gives the camera glare at times. Ahead of them are Xiao Qiao, Da Qiao, and Sun Shang Xiang walking in their direction. When the two groups pass each other, Sun Shang Xiang tells the other two girls with her out loud,"I didn't know old people still go to the mall." Zhen Ji's feet stop moving and she makes a quick 180 to walk towards Sun Shang Xiang, the other two women sort of following behind,"Say that again."**

 **"Your ears ain't working, too?"**

 **The camera zooms up to give the audience a good look of Zhen Ji's "you did _not_ just say that" face. **

* * *

Xiao Qiao 

Doesn't know numbers above a thousand 

**"Ooooooh, she gettin' it now."**

* * *

 **Zhen Ji steps forward and gives Sun Shang Xiang the back of her hand, prompting everyone to make an 'O' face at the gesture. Sun Shang Xiang responds by grabbing Zhen Ji's hair and ripping a handful out with an audible Velcro tear.**

 **"Extensions!"**

 **"Hrraagh!" Zhen Ji tackles her down and the two proceed to get into a slap fight on the floor while people gather around to hold up smartphones, recording this event.**

* * *

Sun Shang Xiang

Eats only protein powder-coated kale steak

 **A visible bruise is on her cheek, but despite that, she says,"By the way, I won that one. I take Crossfit classes at the Y. I would have done more if not for the security that came in to break us up. If they hadn't came, I would have wrecked that hag."**

* * *

 **While those two were having a slap-turned-punching contest on the floor, two big security mall guards come in to pull them apart.**

* * *

Zhen Ji 

Plays muscial instruments for real

 **"I spent half a day in mall jail. Do you know how embarrassing that is? Mall jail! That's for people who can't commit real crimes!"**

Sun Shang Xiang

Has great glutes

 **"Aw, I couldn't go to regular jail? Ugh, mall jail is about the wimpiest kind of jail you could go to. You can't go around saying you went to mall jail to threaten people."**

* * *

 **After those two women were dragged off, Wang Yi goes over to where the fight had happened and picks up a small shopping bag that was left behind. She looks inside and shrugs to walk off with it.**

* * *

Wang Yi

Vodka expert 

**She holds up a pair of hoop earrings that look like Sun Shang Xiang's chakrams.**

 **"Look at what I found."**

 _"Are you keeping those for yourself?"_

 **"No, Ebay." She said with a smirk.**

* * *

 **Sun Shang Xiang is looking on a smartphone while in mall jail and she slides her finger on the screen to see those earrings up for sale. She shouts in anger,"Aren't those mine?! I have to get those back-Oh my god, someone bought them already!"**

* * *

Xiao Qiao

Makes all purchases on her sister's card

 **She shows off her ears, now adorned with chakram hoop earrings, while smiling deviously.**

 **"I bought them." She then laughs like a little girl at the camera,"Heheheheheh!"**

* * *

 **We'll be right back after these messages.**

* * *

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* * *

 **You are greeted with many shots of streets and sign posts until the camera focuses on a simple cafe.**

* * *

Zhuge Liang

Shampoos facial hair along with regular hair

 **"I've invited Fa Zheng out to this small quiet cafe to confront him on how he's been trying to get into my wife's pants, that sleazeball. The only reason why I am not killing him at this moment is because I am a civilized human being. Unless you are a gynecologist, stay out of my wife's private business down south. "**

Fa Zheng

Tan is from the real sun, not a tanning bed

 **"I didn't come out here to make friends. I came here for brunch. That guy's paying, right?"**

* * *

 **Zhuge Liang meets with Fa Zheng and greets him,"Hello, Fa Zheng." He looks down to see Fa Zheng is wearing a very light pink tank top accompanied with a thin jacket over it to say in a drone voice,"Nice shirt."**

 **"I know, I try to keep it one hundreeed." He replied in a similar droning voice.**

 **"Really?"**

 **"No, some asshole threw in their red cap into my laundry."**

 **"Aw, how sad." He continued in a monotone voice.**

 **They take their seats and Zhuge Liang begins in a serious voice, or at least somewhat serious to keep it a reality show and not a drama,"I know what you've been doing with my wife and I don't like that. I'd like you to stop."**

 **Fa Zheng is not listening and is more fixed onto the menu in his hands,"I wonder what I should get... Well, you're paying, so I cn get whatever I want. I think I'll go with this huge platter-"**

 **"Hey! You listening? You have been trying to get into the pants of a married woman and the guy she's married is pissed at you!"**

 **"Oh, that's you? I'm sorry, I was busy listening to the specials that hot waitress is listing behind us."**

 **"Listen here, you. If you come by my wife again, I will destroy you."**

 **"Just like how I destroyed her last night?"**

 **Zhuge Liang makes this shocked look and then begins fuming when the waitress, Wang Yuanji, comes by. She was about to talk when Zhuge Liang reaches over to choke Fa Zheng and pull at his hair. Fa Zheng responds by doing the same thing and the two end up having this slap/punch fight while Wang Yuanji tries to break them up, angrily shouting,"Not in my section!"**

 **The little fight stops when Zhuge Liang rips out a bit of Fa Zheng's hair, prompting him to shout,"My weave!"**

 **"Stay away from my wife or else I'll rip something else out of you."**

 **"Fine, grandpa." Zhuge Liang storms away in a huff, leaving Fa Zheng to remain sitting at the table. Next to him was another table with a person holding out a newspaper in front of them. On the table was a plate of English muffins that Fa Zheng just plucks a few off to walk off munching on. The newspaper drops to reveal the person sitting in the table to be Xun Yu, who sees Fa Zheng, calling him out,"Oy, my scones!" Fa Zheng tells him with a stuffed mouth,"We're in America, they're English muffins."**

* * *

Fa Zheng

Hair is 80% grease

 **"Those English muffins were stale as f*bleep*."  
**

 _"Why'd you take them then?"_

 **"Food's food."**

* * *

 **Fa Zheng continues walking when he bumps shoulders with a guy with a red cap on their head.**

 **"Hey, watch it."**

 **"Huh?" The person turns their head to reveal Gan Ning making a pissy expression,"Yeah, what'cha want, pink shirt?"**

 **"You're the one who got their red cap into my laundry!"**

 **"Yeah, so what?"**

 **"You asshole! Use your own washing machine!"**

 **"I didn't got no quarters, and my cap had a nasty mayonnaise stain on it. I figured why not share one?"**

 **"Red does not wash well with white!"**

 **"I saw grey, so it was fine."**

 **"Those were my socks and sweatpants!"**

 **"Didn't see no white. Certainly not on my cap."**

 **"I'm stuck with a pink shirt because of you!"**

 **"Not ma problem."**

 **Fa Zheng gives him a rough push in anger. Gan Ning turns to him sighing very deeply while shaking his head.**

* * *

Gan Ning

Half of tattoos are fake/temporary

 **Gan Ning tells to the camera with a tilted head,"This fool."**

* * *

 **"Wanna go? I'll go. Come at me, bro." Fa Zheng goes ahead to give another push and Gan Ning grabs him by the waist and wrestles him into a nearby wall of a building, where the two begin throwing punches into each other while people watch in either appallment or excitement.**

 **"I'll give you a nasty red stain here and now for what you've done...!"**

 **"Try me, bitch!"**

 **The two are now on the ground, wrestling and punching while the camera rolls. Not much later, police cars pull up to break the two up and push them into the squad cars.**

* * *

Fa Zheng

Hates pink

 **He holds up a photo showing off his mugshot, him with a few light bruises on his face.**

 **"When are you ever going to see such a handsome mugshot like mine? Come on, just look at it. You agree with me, no?"**

 **Silence. Fa Zheng then says in a displeased voice to the camera, specifically to the cameraman,"Well, screw you."**

Gan Ning

That was not mayonnaise

 **"That guy had no chill. F*bleep*. My eye... Arrgh... And I got blood on my shirt... Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of cotton? Huh?" He turns to the side of the screen,"Well, with a guy like me working minimum wage, how the f*bleep* would I get hidragon pedroxide in this day and age?! That's NASA s*bleep* right there!"**

 _"Hydrogen peroxide."_

 **"Whatever!"**

* * *

 **We'll be right back after these messages.**

* * *

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* * *

 **The camera shows L.A.'s beautiful nightlife skyline before switching between cars driving on the night roads and the night scene of people walking together to finally land on a nightclub with a line forming at its entrance. The entrance's doors burst open for two burly security guards bring Guo Jia out by the arms, him shouting,"Let me go! I didn't do anything! Agh!" They toss him into the sidewalk before going back into the club. He gets up to brush off dirt and fix his clothes.**

* * *

Guo Jia

Gayest-looking straight guy 

**"That was the third club I was kicked out of for something I didn't do."**

 _"What did you do?"_

 **"Well..."**

* * *

 **Back to where Guo Jia is left to brush off dirt of himself, the screen pauses for a backwards fast forward sign to appear in the corner. The scene goes backwards so that Guo Jia is taken back into the club by the guards, fast forwarding back until to where you see Wang Yi sitting at the bar. The scene returns to real time and Guo Jia slides up next to her smoothly, though not very subtle.**

 **"Hey there, gorgeous. How about I buy you something to drink?"**

 **"Sure, hot stuff." The woman gives him a sultry smile while the drinks were being ordered. The drinks come, and Guo Jia is chatting with her while she discreetly drops something small and red into his drink, which is also red.**

 **"So, what's a beautiful lady like you doing alone here?"**

 **"Oh, just..."**

 **She stops talking and a finger taps Guo Jia on the shoulder. He turns around to face a tall man in a V-neck and wearing a ridiculously huge golden bling necklace that has the name "Zhao Ang" in big capital letters.**

 **"And who are you?"**

 **"I'm going to kick your ass for hanging with my girl."**

 **"..."**

 **"What's this?!" The guy reaches over to grab the cup with the piece of red inside, fizzing with the alcohol. "Were you tryin' to drug up ma girl?!"**

 **"What?! No! What drug?"**

 **"This in here, blondie!" He points to that red thing inside the drink with a face that is slowly getting angrier. He slams down on the counter before rolling up his sleeves,"Oh, I'm going to mess you up!"**

 **"Wait, wait! I didn't do anything!"**

 **"Alright, what's going on?" asks one security guard approaching the scene.**

 **"This guy's tryin' to drug up my girl!"**

 **"No, I wasn't!"**

 **"Where's the drink?"**

 **The man holds up the cup with the red thing inside and the security guard looks inside to take two fingers to pick out the red thing. He examines it silently before dropping it back into the cup and going over to grab Guo Jia by the arm, who shouts about the red thing,"I'm pretty sure that's just a Jolly Rancher!"**

 **"Whatever, creep. You're going out."**

 **"Oh come on! I did not put that in-"**

 **Cut ahead to when two guards throw him out to the sidewalk.**

* * *

Guo Jia

Not a natural blonde

 **"Geez, that girl didn't say she was dating someone... And where did that red thing come from...? That bartender did look fairly shady... Well, guess who is getting one star on Yelp?"**

Wang Yi

Has a wine cabinet in every room 

**"That was a Jolly Rancher, to be fair to the guy. It just had a slight tweak to it. Damn, we could have had the time of our life if not for that party pooper."**

 _"That was your boyfriend."_

 **"Right, him. I forget he exists. He looks like that, yet I can barely notice him. I should consider dumping him officially... He is a really clingy guy..."**

* * *

 **Guo Jia is calling on a phone and he says to it,"Um, hello? I need you to pick me up."**

 **"I just dropped you off there." said the phone.**

 **"Yeah, I got kicked out."**

 **"AGAIN? What was it this time, peeking into the girl's bathroom?"**

 **"Oh come on, I'm not that desperate. And every time I get kicked out, it's something I didn't do. I just have the worst of luck."**

 **A car whizzes by over a puddle and the water splashes all over Guo Jia, him standing there with this "are you kidding me" face while soaked in dirty water.**

 **"If you have that much bad luck, why do I see used panties scattered all around the floor?"**

 **"Fine, I'm being a little dramatic here."**

 **"Take a taxi." Then, the other line hangs up and leaves Guo Jia to listen to the droning receiver noise. He puts his phone away, grumbling,"...I know you can drive... You can't keep slapping the 'I'm old' card forever..."**

 **The camera zooms out to leave him standing and waiting for a taxi to then quickly transition over to a quiet park, where on one of the benches, Jia Xu is sitting there, throwing crumbs in front of him for pigeons to flock over to peck at the bits. Next to him is Huang Zhong, doing the same thing and having his own flock of pigeons in front of him. Both were lit up by the tired streetlight above them.**

 **"Who was that?' asks Huang Zhong.**

 **"Just some annoying kid I'm renting my space to."**

 **"Wow, you making good money off this kid?"**

 **"Well, he begs me to buy alcohol for him. So, not exactly good money..."**

 **"Oh my god, is he a runaway renegade minor?"**

 **"No, he's an adult. Just that many cashiers don't believe he is and has to rely on me since I have a mustache."**

 **"That's sad."**

 **"I know."**

 **"Does he have an I.D.?"**

 **"Yeah, but people thinks it's fake."**

 **"Ohhohohoho, that's even sadder."**

 **Loud footsteps can be heard approaching and when the two men turned their heads, they see Guan Suo chasing Bao Sanniang so that they run through the flock of pigeons, scaring them off.**

 **"Ah, young love."**

 **"Stupid love."**

* * *

Jia Xu

Has jars of pickled eggs that no one is allowed to complain about

 **"Wait a minute, why was I there in the first place...? I could've sworn I went there for something..." He scratches his head with a confused look on his face.**

* * *

 **Grainy security camera footage plays to show someone that looks vaguely like Jia Xu sitting in the bench, Huang Zhong already gone. This cloaked figure approaches him to sit next to him. It fiddles around with its pockets at the same time Jia Xu hands the figure a stack of cash. They exchange things and part ways without saying anymore words.**

* * *

 **"Ah, probably went for a walk." He shrugs.**

* * *

 **End credits speed down the screen while the background is the city life of L.A. Ending the show is the camera zooming at a specific area of the city life scene to bring the viewer to an apartment building. In an open window is Fa Zheng scowling into a phone,"Fine! I'm wearing a pink shirt! Get over it! It's pink! F*bleep*! Shut up! I know it's pink! Can we talk about something else?!" The phone has cackling from the other end and he angrily throws the phone out the window.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The next scene takes place in the night still, but the location has changed, now we're in this dark nightclub lit up only by these raving neon lights. The camera passes through crowds of drunk and grinding young people to stop at Sima Zhao being part of the crowds. He checks out the girls dancing around him and sees them getting pushed aside roughly for Sima Yi to shout in a booming voice,"ZHAAAAAAOOOOO!"**

* * *

Sima Zhao

Doesn't know when he's being lied to or tricked 

**"I thought you people were filming me and just me! How did my father know I was there!? I signed a contract with you people!"**

 _"We don't know. He just somehow figured it out... But really, he would have found out when this airs."_

 **"My father doesn't watch this garbage! How would he even know?! That was why I even signed with you people in the first place! I can't believe this, is my privacy not sacred?!"**

 _*whispering*_ _"No."_

 **"What?"**

 _"Nothing."_

* * *

 **Sima Yi reaches forward to grab Sima Zhao by the neck and yanks him out of there, passing by the clubbers as they watched.**

 **"I didn't pay for eighteen years of childcare for you to go dance and drink!"**

 **"Damnit, let me do what I want, Dad!"**

 **"Hell no am I letting you try to throw away your life! I did not pour thousands of dollars on you just so that you can party!"**

 **As he reaching the exit, he notices within the crowds is Guo Jia and he stands out, so Sima Yi easily calls him out,"What is a middle-aged man like you doing here?"**

 **"Why are you here?"**

 **"I'm here because I have an ungrateful child. What's your excuse?"**

 **"..."**

 **"Mid-life crisis, eh? Anyway, those spreadsheets are due next Tuesday." Sima Yi continues dragging Sima Zhao, telling him,"You don't want to turn into that lump of failure, so I suggest you hit the books." The camera follows behind those two and Sima Yi turns around to glare into the camera's lens,"Turn that off."**

 **The camera shakes left and right to signify a "no". Sima Yi takes out a gun and shoots out the lens, leaving the viewer to look at static. Only audio is left,"You get that release form out of my face or the next bullet is for your kneecap."**

* * *

Sima Zhao

Father is a dickwad

 **"Do I still get paid for that? I really need that money for my textbooks."**

"Thirty percent less because your daddy broke the camera."

 **"Aw man... Fine, I'll take that..."**

* * *

 **The L.A. transition plays to stop at an upscale bar's front. The camera goes through the door to take the viewer to a group at the counter consisting of Xiahou Dun, Xiahou Yuan, and Cao Cao. Xiahou Yuan was in the middle of telling a story and finishes it with,"...and that's when she had eaten the whole cake without knowing there was a diamond ring inside!"**

* * *

Xiahou Dun

Days since last anger management class: 736

 **"He told that story five times already and he doesn't even remember."**

 _"Why do you let him tell it then?"_

 **"He was so happy about his son's engagement, I couldn't bring myself to bum him out. "**

* * *

 **Cao Cao cackles,"Oh, your son must have been really upset when she easily downed that 10,000 dollars!"**

 **"He was sure surprised! You won't believe what he had to do to get that out-" Xiahou Dun tells him,"No. Don't. It will make me not want to eat or drink anymore..."**

 **As they sat there, Zhang Fei comes stumbling and accidentally knocks down Xiahou Dun's drink as he uses the counter to help himself up.**

 **"Hey! Watch it!"**

 **"S-aaugh-rrry... Hic...!" Zhang Fei then pukes a little into his knocked down cup,"...Here... I gave ya some of mine..."**

 **"..."**

 **Xiahou Dun simply glares at him and breathes heavily as veins began popping onto his forehead.**

* * *

Cao Cao

Motherf***er

 **"You know what's happening next."**

* * *

 **Xiahou Dun grabs Zhang Fei by the neckline of his tank top and slams him onto the counter. The two proceed to brawl, which causes people inside to run outside screaming. There are a few left inside that watched the fight or recorded it on their cell phones, which included Cao Cao and Xiahou Yuan.**

* * *

Xiahou Yuan

Can never lose or gain weight

 **"Okay, I could've stopped it. But come on, I wanted something interesting to watch and I sure ain't going to stop Dun."**

 _"We're not judging. We wanted that fight to continue anyway. More violence equals more ratings."_

* * *

 **A great hand stops Xiahou Dun's hand from landing another punch into Zhang Fei's face and he turns to look up a towering man with a great long beard.**

 **"It's time to stop. If you do, I won't press charges against you."**

 **"Grr..." Xiahou Dun takes a deep breath and gets off of Zhang Fei. He growled,"...I better get another drink..."**

 **"Of course."**

 **Zhang Fei slurs,"...Oh heeeey... Big bro G-Guan...! What'cha doin' here...?"**

 **"Liu Bei said to fetch you and get you fixed up in preparation for tomorrow's wedding."**

 **"...Really...?! Oh crap, we'd better get outa here then...!"**

 **Guan Yu hands Xiahou Dun a couple of dollars,"This should cover your next drink." Then, he hoists Zhang Fei onto his shoulder and exits the bar with him on hand.**

* * *

Xiahou Dun

Current mood: Never happy 

**"Phht, what a cheapskate. He only gave me three dollars. My original drink costed ten, that f*bleep* ing bastard!" He points to the camera,"You, you were the one filming me there! Give me ten dollars to cover that!"**

 _"Shouldn't it be seven?"_

 **"What? I already used that three bucks to pay for a shot. Give me my ten and I'll continue doing this stupid show."**

* * *

 **The camera now follows Guan Yu outside with Zhang Fei. He digs around in the pockets of his slacks and mutters,"Where are my keys...? I know I put them in here..."**

 **As he is busy searching his pockets, Zhang Fei wobbles into a bright red sports car and its engine loudly roars to life. Guan Yu is alerted to the sound and turns around,"Hey! No! You're not driving! Stop!" Before he could run over to open the driver seat door, the car races out of its parking space besides the sidewalk.**

 **"No, no, no! Damnit!"**

* * *

Guan Yu

Party up front, business in the back

 **"How the hell did he snatch my keys? Maybe it was when I picked him up... Grr... You people are going to have to pay for the damages for my car. That baby cost me an arm and a leg!"**

" _It is a really unique car. What brand is that?"_

 **"The Red Hare Corza GT."**

 _"I've... never heard of that."_

 **"Exactly."**

* * *

 **The car speeds down the street and crosses an intersection, where it has a near-miss with Yue Ying riding a bike on the intersecting street. She swerves through the street and fails to put herself back in control. When she tries to brake, the bike doesn't slow down in time as she collides with a man on the sidewalk.**

* * *

Yue Ying

No, that's not a laser dot from a sniper gun

 **"I am so sorry." She said tearfully. "That car sped by so fast and I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention. I will take fault for this. And I hope that man was okay."**

 _"It was a really good shot though. That impact was amazing."_

 **"Excuse me?"**

* * *

 **Yue Ying winces as she rubs a long scratch along her forearm where her bicycle is on to the side, wheel still turning. The man she had hit was Xun Yu, who is lying under the bent-up bicycle as a crumpled being.**

 **She gets up to remove the bike off of him, saying frantically,"I am so sorry! Are you okay? Do you need an ambulance?!"**

 **"...Koff... Koff... No... It's fine..." Xun Yu wheezes out with blood dripping from the corner of his mouth.**

 **"Are you sure?"**

 **"Yes..."**

 **"Please, I can call an ambulance for you-"**

 **"Really, I'm fine..." Xun Yu brushes himself off and stands up. Yue Ying notices that a crank with the pedal still attached to it is sticking out of his behind and points it out immediately"Um, excuse me, sir. There's something up your-"**

 **"Where's my briefcase...?" Xun Yu finds his briefcase and brushes it off. Yue Ying tries to point out the pedal in his ass again,"Um, you should really go to the hospital. There's something up your-"**

 **"I'm sorry, I really must be going. Thank you for your concern. I don't plan to press charges on you, so good day to you."**

 **"...Uhh..." Yue Ying watches him worryingly about the crank and pedal in his behind as he proceeds down the block.**

* * *

Yue Ying

No, it's not a button either

 **She covers her face and sighs,"I should have pushed about the pedal in there... If he gets embarrassed or severely hurt, I would not be able to forgive myself." She then looks up at the camera,"But how the heck did he not notice the thick metal up in his behind?"**

* * *

 **The camera now follows Xun Yu, and he notices immediately. He holds up his briefcase to block his face,"Get those cameras away from me." Then the camera gets him at a different angle, where it shows his side and behind, with the pedal piece in full view.**

 **He is standing at the corner of a sidewalk with a couple more people, waiting for the pedestrian light to change. Behind him is a little kid, who sees the pedal protruding out his behind and proceeds to give it a crank.**

 **Xun Yu's eyes dilate, but the kid doesn't stop turning the pedal in his behind. So, blood begins spewing out of Xun Yu's bottom and he collapses.**

* * *

Xun Yu

Looks _very good_ for a middle-aged man

 **"I did not ask to be part of this. I can't believe you people filmed me getting hurt. I demand you to never show that or I'm suing."**

 _"We already did."_

 **"You arseholes."**

* * *

 **Xun Yu is lying in a pool of blood and a hand with a clipboard is extended out in his face. He looks up weakly to see it and scowls at it,"I am not signing your form."**

 **The hand gives the clipboard a jiggle, annoying Xun Yu. He tells it coldly,"NO."**

 **The hand persists in getting him to sign by pushing it right into his face, which causes Xun Yu take it and angrily fling away like an asymmetrical Frisbee.**

 **"No means no!"**

 **Then, a mosaic censor appears over his face and his voice becomes disguised as a high-pitched one.**

"Get me to a hospital now."

* * *

Xun Yu

Stupid Limey 

**The censor carries over to here.**

"Why am I still here? Let me go. Since you've paid for my treatment at the hospital, I suppose I can repay that by not suing you for recording my misery. Though I should."

 **A hand with the release form pokes in from off-screen. Xun Yu crosses his arms and turns away what you assume is his face through the censor, defiantly telling it,** "I am not signing."

 **The hand retreats back. Then the hand comes back, now with a gun in its hand.**

 _"Sign it or else you're going back to the hospital."_

"What the-?! You can't do this! I don't want to be part of your asinine show! I have a job already!"

 **A finger cocks the gun and another hand comes in with the clipboard.**

 _"Sign it or that video of you having the pedal up your ass is going on YouTube too."_

"I've changed my mind. I'm going to sue your pathetic arses."

 ***BAM***

* * *

 **Shots of traffic during the sunset help transition to the next scene. The camera zips through highways and land until it stops before the grand entrance to a maximum prison. The gates open slowly as a guard roughly pushes Jia Chong out through them,"Go on, lowlife. Maybe go do something that doesn't send you back here."**

 **"Oh officer, you did care." smirks Jia Chong as he exits. "Will I expect some flowers when I find a place to live?"**

 **When he turns around, the gates slam loudly, dust kicking up in his face. He chuckles to himself and sighs as he stares up at the sky,"So now what? I wonder how my good friend Zhao is doing... I don't have a cell phone... Fine, I'll just walk. Surely he lives at the same place."**

 **He turns to the fourth wall and raises an eyebrow,"Ooh, a camera crew. Are you from the news people? I didn't know I was that famous."**

* * *

Jia Chong

Has teeth as pearly white as his skin

 **"Heheheh, a job's a job. Even if it's for a stupid show like this. I can't believe you people are so desperate, you'd hire a recent convict."**

 _"What did you do?"_

 **"I'm sorry, that's not part of the contract.** **But..." Jia Chong holds up his mugshot,"...you have to admit this is a very good photo of me."**

 **"Mine's better." says a voice off-screen.**

 **Jia Chong smirks at the direction the voice came from,"Ah, yes. A lovely shade of pink in yours."**

 **"Shut up!"**

* * *

 **Jia Chong walks down a street in the middle of the night and comes across a busted fire hydrant with a dented red sports car nearby. He notices there was a passed-out Zhang Fei inside and proceeds to go over to remove him. He leaves him on the asphalt as he drives away in the car.**

* * *

Jia Chong

Doesn't identify with a skin color 

**"That fetched me a good price. It was damaged, but fixable. Heheheh, what drunkard would drive a car like that?"**

 _"Who did you sell it to?"_

 **"Funny, it was by chance that this fellow came up to me and asked to buy it from me. Tall, muscular man that looked like he would kill me if I said no."**

 _"And you were scared?"_

 **"Of course I was! I was a skinny pale man in a very conspicuous stolen car before this tall brute! The smartest thing to do was take the money and run."**

* * *

 **The scene changes to a body shop during the day, where the door leading into the garage opens to reveal the stolen sports car. It is no longer that bright red color, but more of a orange red and it had flame decal on the sides along with black stripes.**

 **Driving the car off the lot is Lu Bu, who is wearing shades and has his hair flying in the wind.**

 **The credits run down the screen as the video continues to play Lu Bu driving towards the horizon. The car drives past a building, where a window on the second story opens for a large duffel bag is thrown out and it lands in the back of the sports car.**

 **Lu Bu doesn't notice until he stops at a house where Diao Chan comes out of the front door to greet him.**

 **"Hey, darling. Nice car." She sees the large duffel bag at the back of the car. "What's that there?"**

 **"Hm?" Lu Bu turns to look at the bag and says,"That's not mine."**

 **The duffel bag moves around for a hand to burst out of it and unzip the bag to reveal it was Xun Yu, who sits up, gasping for air.**

 **"Where am I?! Why am I alive?!"**

 **Diao Chan comments,"Um... I am not ready for threesomes..."**

* * *

Lu Bu

Mexican chocolate bar

 **"I swear, I didn't know that guy was there. And I sure as hell not letting him get into a threesome with my girl."**

Diao Chan

Dancer (Not _that_ kind of dancer)

 **"I would have." She shrugged.**

* * *

 **Lu Bu asks Xun Yu, still in the bag,"What the hell were you doing in a bag?"**

 **"I don't know! I thought I was shot and now I'm here."**

 **"..."**

 **Xun Yu then asks him awkwardly,"...Could you take me to my work...?"**

 **"..." Lu Bu gives him this half-eyelid look and the next scene is Lu Bu and Diao Chan in the car that is driving down a highway. Diao Chan is holding the duffel bag, in which it says,"Um... I don't need to be kept in the bag..."**

 **"I'm the one taking you, so I say you stay in the bag."**

 **"Okay..." It said in defeat.**


End file.
